The Camera Loves Bill Gates
REDMOND, WA – Microsoft’s Redmond campus was positively electrified this morning, with anticipation of Bill Gates’ annual Powerpoint presentation. Gates, the showy media darling leader of software giant Microsoft, who several year ago coined the term “exCEO”, has become known for his annual reveals of some of Microsoft’s hottest must-have products.
“It really is a zeitgeist” says Microsoft fanatic Gil Thomson, 27, before the show, “last year, this is where he announced Office 2010′s cloud-sharing functionality, and [that] has pretty-much already defined a generation.”
Added Thompson, “I’ve been here since three in the morning.”
The Powerpoint itself was marred as usual by mild technical difficulties which Gates was able to laugh off, deftly controlling the thought process of his fans, and overwhelming them with statistics composed of large, illusory numbers.
“Let’s talk about the .NET framework,” said Gates at one particularly potent juncture, the mesmerized crowd eating out of his hand, “Last year, we released .NET 4.0 as part of Visual Studio 2010, and since then more than twenty thousand…TWENTY THOUSAND developers…have embraced AJAX.”
Leonard Simms, 35, who began hyperventilating and passed out at this point, later revealed to reporters that he had no idea what AJAX was, but “numbers like that don’t lie.”
This year’s Powerpoint was just as bloated with polarizing rhetoric and glee-inducing announcements for fans as in previous years. Working himself up into a dictator-like furor, Gates pounded on his podium and screamed into the crowd:
“This is a massive year for Microsoft. We’ve evolutionized motion controls with our Xbox, we’ve thiefified smartphones with the Windows 7 phone, and now we’re poised to zunify portable music players with the new iPOD.”
Added Gates: “I MEAN ZUNE!!!”