The Beatles plagiarized this button.

Oftentimes, when people’s personal problems become overwhelming, they turn to an advice columnist. This not only alleviates them of burdensome personal responsibility, and decision making, but also exposes their problems to a wide, ravenous readership.

But who do you write to when your personal problems are Mac-related? Well fret no more, exhibitionist advice-seeker! Macman is here to solve all your problems – publicly!

Dear Macman,

My husband and I have been avid Mac users for the entire fifteen-year tenure of our marriage. However, as the years went by, our “iLife” seemed to get a little stale. A little routine. Hell, Leopard and Snow Leopard barely have different names!

Anyway, in an effort to inject some much-needed spice into our relationship, my husband suggested that we try something a little different. A little daring. He bought us a Dell.

I was fine using it once, and it seemed to make my husband very happy. However, now he wants to use this Dell every night. In fact, last week he went and bought a BIGGER one, which frankly just makes me uncomfortable.

I’m all for trying new things, but all this “crashing” and “defragging” inevitably just feels promiscuous. I miss my wholesome, old Mac lifestyle.

What should I do?

-Embarrassed Ashley

Hello Ashley,

First of all, let me say shame on you. Shame, shame, and a thousand times shame. How do you think your kids would feel if they found out their mother was defragging in their childhood home?

Your husband may want your life to have more Steam, but frankly he probably wants a lot of things – and do you have any idea how many viruses get spread around by people who go from good, faithful Mac usage to Dells, Toshibas and God knows what else?

It’s not too late for you, Ashley. Sit down with your husband. Tell him it’s not Windows 7 that will strengthen your relationship. If anything, it will make it cumbersome and counter-intuitive. Tell him you need to rediscover eachother. Tell him you need to reconnect.

Buy him MobileMe.

-Macman