An Elated Jobs Imagines Free Apps
CUPERTINO, CA – In a press conference held in front of his elegant Cupertino home, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced this morning that he’s looking for someone to jailbreak his iPhone. Jobs, whose company is known for their strict regulation of what Applications make it onto their phones, stated that he had “seen the neigbour’s kid use it as a USB stick!” and was worried about “what the hell [he] would do in Europe next month.”
Said Jobs, “You know, you can’t just pop the SIM out of these goddamned things.”
Though the iPhone and its sister products, like the iPod and iPad do not support Flash animation, and in the past Jobs has issued heated statements blasting Adobe for their “resource-hogging” platform, Apple’s magnate did briefly touch today on the fact that his iPhone “just will not show Latin TV without it,” and highlighted that “if there’s anyone around who knows, like, a Mac guy, I heard jailbroken phones can still do that.”
Explaining that jailbreaking phones isn’t technically illegal anymore, Jobs also dropped several hints that he intended to use torrent sites to download and exploit copyrighted software. Citing a decades-old feud with Bill Gates (who he implied somehow owns all software on earth), as well as what appeared to be a misunderstanding of the concept of Free Speech, he challenged the press to find one way the pennies he’s saving will “dig into the billions those fatcats are raking in from Angry Birds.”
The press conference ended suddenly, when Jobs received a call on his as-yet unjailbroken phone, and fussed with it incessantly in an effort to answer it. After a couple of minutes, this commotion became awkward and he put the phone away unanswered, but was too worked up to continue addressing reporters.
His last words on the issue as of press time were “these truly are magical pieces of revolutionary technology.”
“But the porn situation on that neighbour kid’s phone is unreal,” he added.
