iPhone 4
CUPERTINO, CA – The internet is buzzing this week with news of the iPhone 4′s latest technical failure. The revolutionary smartphone which Apple contended would “Change Everything. Again,” has been criticized in the media since its troubled launch
for an antenna problem that seemed to be inherent in every single new device.
Now, after Apple initially downplayed, and then admitted to the fact that cupping your hand around the iPhone 4′s antenna and blocking the signal would – you know – block the signal, various bloggers around the internet are reporting that an even more serious Achilles Heel has been discovered in the phone’s controversial antenna design:
By holding their iPhone 4 over any readily available household toilet, and then letting go of it, thousands of users across the world are finding that signal strength drops not just to one bar, but zero. In fact, operation of the phone after this simple manoeuvre can be nigh impossible.
“I don’t understand how Apple could allow such a glaring technical oversight,” blogged one random highly opinionated person with access to a computer, “Thousands, maybe even millions of people use toilets every day!”
As usual, Apple was slow to acknowledge the crisis. This morning, CEO Steve Jobs released a carefully worded statement contending that “while we hope most Apple customers do use toilets daily, it is only very few of them who will end up dropping their iPhones inside.” Jobs went on to announce that due to the ridiculous media circus, Apple would be offering a free balloon and rubber band with every iPhone 4, allowing it to be safely prepared for toilet-entry. Said Jobs, “We hear your concerns, and we will do whatever it takes.”
Jobs wrapped up his remarks by reminding his customers that most mobile phones, when dropped into a toilet, yield a similar result as the iPhone 4, and that indeed the problem can be reproduced on every iPhone model since the product’s inception.
Public reaction to this sentiment has been mixed.
“My old Nokia 8500 went through the wash in 2002, and it works just fine, thank you!” retorts Don Raymond, an self-described Apple Fanatic disillusioned by the iPhone 4. “I’ve loved Apple since my son first brought me one of them iBots last year, but see if I ever have him buy me anything they make again!”
Jed Leonards, a senior editor at Mashable.com provides a level-headed counterpoint: “Sure, I dropped my iPhone 4 in the toilet as soon as I heard, and I was able to reproduce the problem, but that doesn’t mean I had any sensible reason to do that while trying to make a call. You know?”
How sales of the iPhone 4 weather this latest blow remains to be seen, but Steve Jobs remains quietly confident.
“It’s totally normal for something to have two Achilles Heels,” he points out. “Achilles did.”